That's us, my family. Just two members- small, but mighty. And I'm not going to be humble here, we are an awesome dancing duo, my family. Mainly this happens in the kitchen- with Haydn swatting my booty at some point and me doing some serious questionable moves, sure to once and for all kick me out of the all elusive, "Mother of the Year" running I so often elude to. But it is bliss, complete wild abandon- feel the music, forget the title and your role, work it out- whatever is in you, right there in the middle of the sticky kitchen floor, just watch that precarious lock in the stove, it will catch your shirt lickity split and have you in some sort of pop n lock-type move you weren't anticipating...but I digress.
What brings me to this keyboard isn't my love of dance. It's the love of my rockstar, stinky-feet smelling, sassy mouthed-on-occasion, dance partner, the person that stole my heart long before I heard his heartbeat or felt him within my body...my son. Haydn and I are a small family- even my family of origin is pretty diminutive. When married,  my family of 3 always felt like it should be bigger to truly wear the "family" title, as ridiculous as that statement now sounds. But now we are a family of two- in fact, we rarely refer to ourselves as family. In truth, when Haydn uses the term, "family," he is almost always referencing the family at his Dad's house- Daddy, Tami, Haydn, Taylor and Jesse. "I'm the funniest one in our family," "I can burp the second loudest to Daddy in our family..." and I love hearing about his love of family, accompianed sometimes with the sharp sting of what I offer here, at my house- a duo- a kickin' dancing duo at that, but, it's something I've struggled with since the day my married life started to disassemble. Yes, family is what you make of it- we have friends that are like family, (& what a blessing they are, especially considering our extended family is a several hour-away plane ride at best), but there is something that I have always struggled with- that I have yet to offer Haydn here, at my house- a family that looks like, well...what I always thought a family should look like: A mom, a dad, some kids, some critter to claim as the family pet (RIP Sharksy Fancy Fasty, we still miss you, you quiet, rarely moving fish, you!!) and while Haydn & I have our things, our special events, sayings, memories, I still sometimes have a bit of guilt that he doesn't get "that" family here.
All of this leads me to this life-changing week for our little dancing duo. My only child is about to get a step mom, little step sister & brother, step grandparents, etc... His seemingly already sizeable "family" is expanding. His dad and Tami are getting married this weekend in Florida. And let me first say, I am so beyond grateful to God that my son loves and moreso, really likes Tami and her children. The peace of mind that she will always be kind and compassionate to my son, is the greatest gift I can imagine right now, as it pertains to my son's family changing forever- officially. Haydn has had several years to get to know Tami and her kids and I have watched that family relationship evolve. I truly am grateful that as far as I can tell, Haydn is somewhere between, "nothing is changing to I'll have siblings now" and what only child wouldn't want that "upgrade?" :)  And I'm actually just fine with another woman in my son's life. He is an entirelly loveable child and should be generously loved, I say! Ok, so I'm biased, but it is the truth!
My struggle is more of that family piece. I know I won't be replaced- ever. I'm his Mom- like it or lump it, the kid is stuck with this Mom. The one that makes her kid hula hoop with her in the aisle of Target and on occasion, when a wide open aisle at HyVee calls to her, speed races, compete with self made squealing tires sounds, around the corner with one half embarrassed, half giddy almost 9 year old holding on for dear life as the cart rounds the corner- he can't shake me. I get that title. I know.

I just hope and pray that one day, when he looks back on our time of the dancing duo, that his heart is full and it feels like we were a family, despite it looking a little different than others. Actually, as I type this.....more importantly, I want his heart to be full and for him to look back at our dancing duo and think, that's what love feels like.