Dating in the time of Cholera, or something like that

So here I am approaching my 38th birthday and the realization that I'm "back on the market", "back in the game," or whatever little phrase you'd like to use to depict "single," is reflected everywhere in my life. For me, they are all just sad attempts at making dating sound much more a shopping sport, rather than the work-like-kinda heartbreaking- endeavor that it is. Really. It would seem its a constant state of hope-disappointment, acceptance- rejection-joy-pain....rinse & repeat. No matter whether you are the dumpeee or the dumper, it's often all of those things, to greater or lesser extents. A girlfriend and I were having a great discussion on the topic and have both decided that we are laying off the 'being proactive' in dating. We concur tis better you simply allow God/ the universe (whatever "higher power" you subscribe to), to work it's magic. Over the course of the conversation, she shared her favorite quote from Eat, Pray, Love (every single/divorcing/newly divorced/suburban soccer mom-longing for a an adventure has read it. It's required for our gender.) Anyway, it's an AMAZING quote, no, really, it is. You ready for it? Here goes, "I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and then have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long)waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance, I have been a victim of my own optimism." Even in my very limited dating history, I have already been a victim of my own optimism. If I'm being honest, it's something I struggled with in my marriage, actually. Some might say I had horse blinders on, another says, "you were in sleeper town. Now you see. Now you know, reality." All accurate descriptions. Mine was an optimism that indeed that potential of a man (as well as my own) would & was being realized. Nothing is as disappointing as realizing someone isn't the person you thought/hoped/longed for them to be (mind you, it's extra disheartening when you realize you aren't who you thought/hoped/lnoged to be!) In short, it totally sucks. Untapped potential, if you will. Don't get me wrong, I am fully cognizant that I am a work in progress, ever evolving, constantly struggling for improvement. This is different. This is something idealized. They/you "could" be that person, you have the capability to be "that" person. But who you are now, is who you are now. Sometimes, often times, its hard to acknowledge that. This, right here, this is where I am, who I am today.

Honestly, this is just more ramblings, a free flowing expression of random thoughts, loosely trying to be strung together to say something of significance. I suppose it is. Significant, that is. Probably to no one else but me.